pretty feeling bad…

bob the squirrel pretty feeling bad...

I feel pretty… pretty what, that’s where the debate begins.  I don’t even know if it could be even considered a debate.  I mean, in a debate there are opposing viewpoints each side argues.  I think the determination that it is distinctly negative is a non-argument.  We COULD go back and forth as to what DEGREE the negativity is, but why bother?  Isn’t there anything else in this great wide world that’s better to do?

Besides, I’ve never been one to be able to get by on my looks alone…even though I talk a bit streak about how cute and irresistible I can be.  It’s all an act people and non-people.  I lack just as much self-confidence as the next person, place or thing.  Maybe that’s why you keep coming back?  Maybe not.

I felt pretty once.  Once.  Not anything close to West Side Story pretty, but close.

no wonderland…

bob in wonderland

It’s been a while since I’ve read Alice in Wonderland…

Oh, who am I kidding…I’ve never read that book.  I have looked at the pictures though.  I kinda sorta have an idea of what went down in that land.  Plus, there are enough movies and cultural references out there for me to fill in the blanks.

And to all that I say: so what?  I could spend months upon months dissecting the symbolism and the symbolism of the symbolism and the allusion to the symbolism… could cut it all up into finely diced pieces and parts… for what?

I woke up on the wrong side of the tail this morning.  Who cares about rabbit holes?  If they want to live in the mud, let those carrot munchers do whatever they want.  Mad Hatter?  Why are you so mad?  Be happy that you can still find work in this economy!  Don’t get me started about that darn Cheshire Cat.  Whatever, dude.

I’m crankier today than I think I’ve ever been.  It’s probably a good thing this isn’t wonderland.  I’d be on trial in 2.2 seconds.

LIVE TWEET with BOB!

bob the squirrel live tweet
TWITTER PEEPS!

@gocomics and i have a date to live tweet
Friday, May 3 at 1:30CST…!!!
get your questions ready for me!!!
It’s going to be historic! Swing by if you want to just point and gawk or participate! #askBTsquirrel, #comics

Tell all your friends! It’ll be fun for the whole family!

If you’re not connected to my Twitter, you need to do this now… @btsquirrel

simplified overcompensation

overcompensation

If you want to get ahead in the world, you will have to learn overcompensation.  This one wrench in the toolbox of your life will get you out of so much trouble you’ll want an entire set of overcompensation wrenches… maybe even a socket set.  I find that it helps me most when faced with a situation I am completely clueless in.  I have no idea how I got there, how I stay there, how I interact there and whether or not I even want to be there…if I don’t want to be there, I gotta figure out a way to get my tail out of there.  Overcompensation covers the ugliness that can be associated with cluelessness.

It’s simple really.  Take something you do well, and do it really well.  The inspiration and awe generated from the amazement of your audience will generally divert their attention away from the thing you are completely clueless about.  Artists do it all the time.  Frank DEFINITELY does it all the time.  You can’t do what he does and not overcompensate…it’s just the way it is.

The drawback of this is that you may not get better at what you really stink at.  That is, if you take that overcompensating tool and have it surgically attached to your being.  You do that and that’s the only tool you’ll ever be able to use.  Keep the wrench for emergencies only.

This is Bob and I approved this message.

technical exhaustion…

technical exhaustion

I’m exhausted.

As a squirrel, my biology allows me to perform feats of physicality unknown to humans.  We can jump higher, climb faster, carry heavy things… let’s face it, if there were a squirrel Olympics, there would be sponsors falling over each other trying to get a piece of it.

But, when biology meets technology… it isn’t necessarily a party.  Despite what my physiology tells me I should be able to do… I’M STILL EXHAUSTED!

Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, Google+… what the flipping flip?!  Do we really need to be everywhere all the time?  The answer is of course, YES.  Every week a new thing I gotta have a presence on pops up.  I’m a one squirrel show here…Bob gets a little beat sometimes.  I’m sure in this social media frenzy, something is gonna give… there are going to be a lot of exhausted people out there… including this squirrel here.

Don’t worry about Frank, he can handle it.  I’m convinced that that man is made of caffeine.

Admit it, you’re a little tired too.  We’re a society that needs to be connected… all. the. time.  Whatever happened to some alone time?  Didn’t alone time once mean someone being alone?  Now, alone time is accompanied by a mobile device to keep on top of your Facebook like count.  I love it… but doggone it, a squirrel gets tired.  A squirrel gets tired.

rational frustration

rational frustration

I am a clean, rational, frustrated squirrel.  I’ve never had a moment where I denied that.  I’ve never had a moment where I even considered thinking about denying it…until this post of course.  I’ve spent my life trying to be good… trying to avoid the pitfalls that my fellow air breathers have fallen victim to.  Sometimes, the results are good… sometimes not so much.

The heart of my frustration is this:  I make “good” decisions.  Others, make “bad” decisions.  In the beginning, I’m thinking I’m the one that will be making out…because if you make the good decision, good things should happen, right?  When it all comes full circle, the bad decision maker is in the EXACT same situation as I am… the only difference being that the bad decisioner had a blast, while I sat in my tree chilling with the leaves.

Now, I’m not advocating the cease and desist of all logical thought (as much as I would like to), but seeing the wrong decision play out with the nearly identical results as the right decision stings a bit.  I don’t have any cool stories to tell later on.  I don’t have any funky scars to impress the ladies with my feats of dumb luck.  All I have is that tree… as does the bad decision maker.

Squirrels just wanna have fun… apparently.

expanding horizons

expanding the squirrel horizons

In order to have a fulfilling life on this mud ball, one must make an attempt to expand one’s horizons.  It’s just something you need to do.  The flip side of that is, once you expand them, you really should be prepared for what that expansion could do.

Horizons expanded, especially when they’re done well, have a tendency to become obsessions… in some cases very EXPENSIVE obsessions.  In the long run, there’s benefit:  you learn something new, the roundness of your self becomes more rounded, you learn something new (wait, didn’t I already say that?) and some other stuff I can’t remember right now.

There is a beauty in living life within a cocoon.  But you can’t grow too much in a cocoon.  At least that’s what some insects have told me.  They don’t get bloated though either.

I’ve had two days off from this blog, cut a squirrel a break if I can’t drop the squirrelosophy on you like I used to.  Hard to believe and experience the fact that that little bit of time has thrown me this far out of shape.  ugh. ugh. another double ugh.

Triple ugh with a side of aspirin and a cheeto.

 

futile inoculation…

inoculation against everything

There seems to be an inoculation for nearly everything.  Now, before you get all up in my grill, I’m not talking about the medical kind. I don’t even think I want to think about going there…just to say that not getting sick seems to be more ideal than getting sick.  Some work, some don’t… we’re all different, but the same.

You can do everything you can to prevent something, but that doesn’t mean that it still can’t/won’t happen.  You can spend hours upon hours preparing a defense against one thing when something completely different comes through your backdoor…rendering the stuff on the front porch to glorified lawn ornament heaven.

Does this mean we shouldn’t prepare?  Nope.  I mean, what else are we going to do if we don’t prepare for something that MAY happen?I’ll gladly get in line for my inoculation… especially if there is a cookie or a cup of juice or both involved.  Yes, I realize you only get that stuff for donating blood… which you should do.  Not too much call for squirrel blood donations… even though I ALWAYS volunteer.  I end up getting the juice and cookies anyway.  Win-win for ol’ Bob, right?

lego my bob…

lego bob

Lego.  The bane of midnight, barefooted floor walkers.  Ever step on one when you’re not expecting it?  It hurts so bad that it could make your teeth tear up.  But why spend time swapping war stories like that?  There’s a load of philosophical laundry that needs to be put in the dryer, right?

A lego only becomes something if it is plural.  I built this house out of lego… no one says that.  I built this house out of LEGOS.  Makes more sense, right?  As much as we sometimes want, we cannot exist where nothing exists.  As much as I want to climb a tree and shut it all out, I can’t.  You can never shut it all out.  So you have to pick and choose what comes in… and even then you never know what you’re gonna get.  We can only deal with what we can deal with.

A break is great…just so long as it doesn’t start by stepping on a lego.

I need to know what you think…

I don’t normally do these type of things, but then I thought, “How else will a squirrel know?”

There’s been a softly churning seismic shifty type thing going on under my tail.  I’m wondering where my energy could be or should be spent…whether that be on squirrelosophy or something else.

Do you enjoy my little rants?  Do you get something out of them?  Do you think someone you know could get something out of them?

Please take a moment to let me know… my future kinds sorta depends on it.  If you don’t like any of these answers, email me what you think…

 

[poll id=”2″]

 

the do over…

the do over

Ah, yes… the all important do over.  Our culture and society have programmed ourselves with the ability to undo or do over.  A single Command-Z or Control-Z keystroke and at least one current mistake or sin is washed away into electronic oblivion.  On the surface, it is a thing of beauty.  One undo (sometimes multiple… but for my purposes, lets keep it one… choice breeds conflict after all…)   It’s a good thing that real, conventional life does not come equipped with that literal option.  Let’s face it… abuse would be rampant.  Some electro-gearheaded-hacker would find a way to turn one undo in multiple undos. I talked about this before…

 

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