the futility of idiot persuasion…

idiot futility

The idiot and the squirrel: two things would prevail in the event of a nuclear apocalypse.

Someone once said that if the world were to be obliterated by nuclear war, the one thing that would survive were cockroaches.  I totally, totally, TOTALLY disagree.  An idiot knows no better, but also knows no worse.  The one thing that an idiot may have on his/her side is luck.  Blind luck.  Right place, right time luck.  The problem is, if you take an idiot under your wing, their luck is immediately neutralized…so their luck wouldn’t necessarily turn into your luck.  Luck, in many instances is way more useful than smarts… any smart person will probably tell you that exact thing.  Idiots don’t bring luck.  You don’t see many of them as good luck charms, do you?

If you take a squirrel under your wing, you will survive.  There are a number of biological reasons why this is the case, but just know that we were Macgyvers way before Richard Dean Anderson grew his first mullet.

I’m just sayin’…

is it cold enough for ya?

cold cold cold

It’s cold.  Every piece of hair on my body feels like an icicle clinging to the side of a building roof… in this case the icicles are more or less implanted into my body.  Not a great feeling when you’re 95% fur.  Not a great feeling if you’re 25% fur.  It’s just bad.

For those of you out there in above zero land, you should consider yourself lucky.  I would travel far far far right now to hit the teens.  To not hear the crunch of ice with every step anywhere.  I’ll refer back to this post when summer comes and my body feels like it’s on fire…it won’t help me through the heat, but it will be nice to reminisce.

Stay warm.  Any pets outside? BRING THEM IN!  If you don’t and they freeze, I’ll find your cruel behind and reign a fit of squirrel terror on you the world has yet to see or even remotely comprehend.  Take them in.

frozen nuts…

frozen nuts

Two words for this morning… frozen nuts.  I had to chip them out before I could crack them.  Then, when I went to crack them, they shattered.  By that time, my little hands were numb and my tail was dangerously close to falling off.  Had to make sure I got the temperature though…

lip syncing as art…

lip syncing

We allow ourselves to get away with a lot sometimes.  Lip syncing is a good example.  We do it right once, isn’t once good enough?  I mean, DaVinci only painted one Mona Lisa, Picasso only did one Guernica, why should an artist be compelled to repeat something that they already did?   Pride?

Wanting to share something?  Be proud of something?  Be able to do it over and over again?

Why don’t we all just do something once and then use that one moment over and over to prove that we’re more than who we think we are… to keep that curtain covering the Wizard just one more time.

If you can sing, sing.  If you can dance, dance.  If you can draw, draw.  Don’t be okay with tracing something you’ve already done.  Don’t make the artificial real.

pop culture…and the horse she rode in on…

pop culture

I think pop culture is incorrectly labeled.  Instead of pop culture, it should be oops culture.  Think about it.

Much of what constitutes that area is nothing more than a calculated accident.  Yeah, I said it…it’s an oxymoron that seems to really work when talking about this.  The powers that be out there, which really aren’t powers at all… merely those who know which ears are the right ears to talk into.  Those of us in the trenches of real reality are of course showered with these notions of the new state of cool.  Wait, do people even say cool anymore?  I mean, in reference to something other than a refrigerator or the weather.


Would it be so bad to echo around in one of those right ears?  The spark would be momentary… oh, but what a moment.   I mentioned once how I’d love to be even a cultural footnote of some sort.  Whether or not that will ever happen isn’t up to me.  I might not even see it.

What if i get it and I don’t want it?  Tough walnuts.

whatever they want…

whatever they want...

want and have… usually don’t see those two in the same room at the same time.  By the time you figure out the happy medium between those two, it’s time to leave the room and find someplace else.

being a sidekick…in the front…


I’ve resolved myself to being a lot of things.  A squirrel.  A pain.  A sidekick.  Let’s face it, I’m not the typical leading man…cripes, I’m not even a MAN.  I will be forever riding on someone’s shoulder.  The only thing that will ever ride my shoulder is a pack of fleas and maybe the occasional dandruff flake.

Nope, nope, nope… the truth is the truth.  I will never be Captain America… always Bucky.  Never Batman… always Robin.  Never Abbott… always Costello.  I will be the flunkie, the goofball, the comic relief.  The bullet catcher, the selfless, loyal friend that gets to hear that big speech… or better yet… MAKE a big energy changing, tide turning, climax of the action that makes the hero hunker down and eliminate all the bad dudes speech.  Yes.  That is what I have become and what I have to look forward to.  Making a speech and not getting to be in the sequel.

I am a sidekick.  The strip may be named after me, but make no mistake… I am the sidekick.  It’s hard enough to get people to read a strip called BOB THE SQUIRREL… Imagine if it was called FRANK THE PAGE?  How far out of the gate do you think that one would get?  Knowing Frank’s luck, pretty far… considering it wasn’t the choice he made.

Man, do I need an Aspirin right about now.

falling off the Earth…

falling off the earth

Yeah, maybe you guessed I’m a bit under the weather.  Not sick in a physical earth sense… more like I’m past singing the blues and now singing the purples.  And the purples aren’t making me feel any better.  Singing the blues is eventually supposed to make you feel a bit better.  I’m not even a bit. Not even a bit.

Honestly, I know one could never fall off the Earth.  Gravity makes you fall.  I could move away from the planet… but I would need to generate such a huge amount of energy to maintain that path that it would be easier just to take the hit like a squirrel and deal with whatever came.  I don’t think I’d land in the lap either.  The day I fall might be the only day that the Earth wanted to feel particularly pretty and decided to wear some funky vinyl/silk pants.  Might as well be teflon because I would just slide off into nothingness…Slipping the surly bonds of funky pants to touch the face of nothing.  Oh yeah.

Change the Squirrel…

change the squirrel

I’ve spoken many times about change.  Both in life and in nickels, dimes, pennies and quarters.  Sometimes, change is good.  Especially when you have the exact amount for that candy bar or bag of trail mix.  Sometimes, it is necessary… be it a bad situation a good situation that will eventually be bad or plain old boredom.  I can dig change… just so long as it doesn’t cut into my action… then I’ll typically have what is commonly referred to as “a beef” or “an issue”.

Ever wonder why it’s called “a beef”?  I suppose it’s because if you have “a ham”, “a pork” or “a chicken” the immediacy and roughness is gone.  Red meat is immediate.  Red meat means change… and change fast.

My life won’t change today…mostly because this transmogrifier takes D batteries and all we have in the house is 9Volts and AA.

Maybe tomorrow.

monday and optimisim…


Monday is a time of reflection.  It can be very difficult… especially if your mirror is dirty or even broken.  I never reflected much until I started living with humans.  You can’t live with humans and not be sucked into that void.  Out in the street, I never reflected… I was too busy trying to survive.  Not having to worry about that (as much) anymore, I now reflect.  Sometimes, I even dip my tail in glitter for an extra cool effect.

Monday seems to be the day to do this.

Mostly because there’s always some glitter left over from the weekend.  I’m not trying to start any kind of new philosophical movement today… I just don’t have enough reflection in me.

I should also mention that, in addition to being Inauguration day and Martin Luther King, Jr. day, it is also NATIONAL SQUIRREL APPRECIATION DAY.  So after I celebrate the first two, I’m going to take a moment to appreciate me.

true jack russell words of wisdom…

jack russell terrier

Many a sunday afternoon I have seen Frank frantically running after our jack russell terrier lucy… It gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling… yeah yeah, more so than usual.
Click on the image if you would like this on your wall…