thinking in the third squirrel…

thinking in the third squirrel

I do a lot of thinking.  I’m too short to play basketball and my hands are too small to play video games.  After you brush your tail for the millionth time, what else is there to do?  I know what you’re thinking… if your hands are so small Bob, how can you do all this typing?



My brain doesn’t have an off switch.  I don’t even have a dimmer.  I tried squirrel yoga, squirrel meditation, squirrel monopoly, squirrel scrabble and squirrel roller derby.  I kinda liked squirrel roller derby… they serve really good roasted nuts there… medium rare just like i like them.

In a deep rut…

in a very deep rut

Ever feel like you’re going in circles? Or, you feel like you’re going straight but the scenery on either side of you revolves like when Fred runs through his house on the the Flintstones?  You’re in a rut.  You’re in a deep rut.

These things aren’t impossible to get out of.  The one thing that is needed is time.  The second thing needed is patience.  If you have at least one of those things, you can get the other.  If you have one and are frantic because you don’t have the other, you’ll be in a bad way and the rut will get deeper.

When you realize you’re in the rut, the best thing you can do is chill… that and check out the brontosaurus bone by your ear.

“Responsibility is a heavy responsibility…”

responsibility is a heavy responsibility

“Responsibility is a heavy responsibility.”  –Cheech, Cheech & Chong’s Next Movie

This is one we all at some point wish wasn’t true… deny, deny, deny… but we all know it is true.  If there is a way to pawn it off  onto someone else, you’d be amazed at how light that stuff becomes…especially when it’s not tickling your nose.

I don’t have too much to say about this… but I am proud of the fact that I am the first squirrel philosopher to ever directly quote Cheech Marin.  I can be really cool sometimes.


Marshmallows in my pockets…

marshmallows in my pockets

I love marshmallows.  I love the simplicity of marshmallows.  Air, sugar, water, corn syrup and gelatin.  How many things can you point to in your life that have only five main ingredients?  How many things in your life are as versatile as a marshmallow? A marshmallow is equally effective as a compliment to something else or all on its own.  In some cases, a dish isn’t that dish without a marshmallow.

Can you think of roasting anything else over a campfire? (besides a meat product?) You’re out in the woods, tired from hiking, and hiking and hiking… you find a place to nest for the night… eating only what you’ve carried in with you… it tastes like you made it out in the woods… probably looks like it too.  You choke down the meal; knowing that it is merely to fuel your continued journey… but then, you pull out the marshmallows?  Why marshmallows?  Because, they’re light…and when every ounce on your back feels like a ton that’s a big plus.  More importantly, they’re a familiar taste… a reminder of goodness…comfort.  Anything with sugar does this for me.

I don’t think I’d ever want to live in a world where I couldn’t get a bag of these little spongy wonders.

One has to respect the marshmallow.  We should all strive to one day be like a marshmallow.

it’s not the size that counts

not the size that counts

I’ve had to deal with size my whole life… and it doesn’t look like that will be changing for the rest of my life.  What i lack in stature, I more than make up for in the moments where i can just go absolutely out of mind insane.  Sometimes volume and crazy can do way more than smart and reserved.  The tricky bit is knowing when you can get the most out of your crazy.  You use crazy too much, then animal control gets called and the next thing you know it’s 5 hours later, there’s a tranquilizer dart in your backside and you’ve been dropped in the middle of the woods by some conservationist.

wait, maybe that only happens to me.

Why Rachael Ray is the love of Bob’s life

rachael ray anything

Rachael Ray is awesome.

Those of you out there who have followed me since I was first poorly drawn know there are a few prevailing themes in my life.  One: I don’t speak english, I speak sarcasm.  Two: I like standing on Frank’s shoulder when we go anywhere because if he’s walking, why should I?  And three: I am hopelessly in love with celebrity food guru Rachael Ray.

Oh, I’ve denied it to myself many times.  At one point I even considered ending the non-relationship altogether.  But, when love is love it’s love, right?

I love the fact that she’s pint sized.  I love that she smiles a lot.  I love that she can take ingredients and MacGyver it into dinner in less than 30 minutes.  I love that even though it seems like she’s not real, she is real.  I love that she’s goofy in a very smart way.  I love that I can turn on the TV at pretty much any point of the day and be able to find at least one show she’s on.  I can always count on Rachael to be there when I need something familiar.

I’ve sent valentines. I’ve written songs.  I’ve made her stuff with my own hands that Frank fixed.  All those movies about how to get the girl or the guy lied to me.  I even wanted to pull a “Say Anything…” moment and stand outside her house holding up a boom box.  This last one could work if: I had a clue where she lived, and my tree-climbing arms could hold up a boom box for an entire song.

Now that I think about it, I COULD hold up an iPad.  Yeah… I think this one might have to go back on the to-do list.

I’m not crazy, jI just really dig what she does and what she has made herself into. What I feel treads that very thin line between love and insanity.  When you’re there that;s how you KNOW it’s real.

She’s just great.  The things that we enjoy and love make us happy.  They don’t have to do anything else but that.  Rachael Ray makes me happy.  I will continue to love her from afar…I just hope that this thin line doesn’t break on me.

open up and say… nothing

nothing squirrel

You can say a lot by saying nothing.  You can also say nothing by saying nothing.  Sometimes silence is golden.

And then there are times when the things that you say…

well, you know…

geography, problems and cute backpacks…

geography changes nothing

I’m not the easiest squirrel to get along with.  Try as I may to be so many things to so many out there I can’t do it.

You know why?

Because I have problems.  It’s mostly due to my personality.  Not much I can do about that.  Think that changing the area that I’m in would do something?  A different bit of geography?  Why would you think that?  I would just be packing up the problems I have along with my toothbrush and towels.

What I really need to do is solve the problem and THEN move.  That way I’ll save a little on shipping… less problems, less weight.

Maybe I only need to take one towel…you can only use one at a time anyway, right?

Rest…the good, the bad & the ugly…

rest, and the rest

So, what’s the big deal with rest?  Do you really need as much as all the life coaches and medical type people say you do?

They say, no… you probably need more than you’re getting.

Well, what does that mean exactly?  How do you know when you’ve had as much as you need?  You already have a good idea what my feelings are on the whole want and need thing.

We can go back and forth about this for days and days and days… but eventually, you guessed it, we’re gonna need some rest.  Being a squirrel, I tend to be revving my engine non-stop.  But when I stop, I crash.  I don’t think rest would even be possible for me when the engine is lit up.  My pistons would seize, the battery would fizzle and I would end up worse off than I was if i had just kept going.  It’s not the run that kills you, it’s that nasty sudden stop.

I think rest is good.  When you need it, take it.  If you don’t need it, or your body says it doesn’t need it, leave rest alone.  Just like if you’re not hungry, don’t eat the cookies… does you no good.  Listen to your body.  If you don’t fully understand what your body is telling you, might be a good idea to get a qualified translator.  I’m just saying.

Now, I need to rest.


All-You-Can-Experience Buffet…

existence buffet

Existence is a buffet.  We all assume we have control over every aspect of our existence.  Fate deals a hand and we play our cards the best we know how.  Sometimes we win, sometimes your nuts end up roasted… and I don’t mean in a good way.  So get a plate.

The worst question you could ever ask a kid is, “what do you want to be when you grow up?”  That assumes a number of things…but for my purposes I’ll just keep it simple.  Let’s say the kid is they type that doesn’t like to disappoint anyone.  Invariably, he/she will answer with what they think the person asking wants to hear.  It may not be what they WANT to do, but then again, how would they know?  How does a kid know what they want to be?

It’s like going to an awesome buffet and just eating what you see in the first two pans.  It doesn’t matter what is offered down the line… stick to the little that you know and at least you won’t leave disappointed…you’ll leave unchanged, but not disappointed.

The current culture teaches us that we can’t make mistakes.  Mistakes are bad.  I won’t dispute that.  But, mistakes teach as well.  Mistakes are a huge part of our existence.  Go back to the buffet, get a little bit of everything.  Try everything you can…then go back for what you really like.  It may be something better than you expected… it may change your outlook and existence.

I’ve been to one buffet in my time.  I regret to say I only ate the rice.  It wasn’t even some fancy rice… just plain ordinary rice.  I would have tried something more, but I got kicked out before I could get something else.  Apparently the restaurant got complaints about a rodent around the food.  I had no idea what they were talking about, I didn’t see any rodent.

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