standing up to lactose intolerance…

lactose intolerant

Lactose intolerance befuddles me.   It has to be a real pain when there are dairy products right in your name.  I know you can take the lactose out and/or substitute a substitute for the thing that makes you all… you know… but still.  Food allergies and certain conditions are serious problems that can really take the helium out of the balloon.  I am very fortunate my allergies consist solely of overwork and stupidity.

Would lactose intolerant caterpillars turn into something like a soy fly?  Is that even a thing?

holiday spirit to capacity…

holiday spirit

It wouldn’t be good to have my holiday spirit filled to over flowing…simply because if that were to happen, I’d be the only one to clean it up.  Holiday spirit is primarily comprised of glitter…multi-colored glitter.  I have a giant problem with glitter.  Glitter stays with you long after the sparkle of the day has passed.  Me being a fur bearing mammal is doubly bad… I don’t think I have to go into details…

If you see any of my holiday spirit on the floor, be sure to walk around it.  Nothing worse than slipping in it.  Trust me.

empty inside out…


I’m sure you felt empty yesterday without me.  Even if you didn’t, I want to think you did…because that’s the type of needy squirrel I tend to be…this time of year.

Wait, that’s not entirely true… I’m pretty needy all the time.  I say that I don’t need any validation, but I do.  We all do.

I spent the majority of the day sitting on the couch, looking out the front window and eating clementines.  I didn’t have any moments of clarity, no big decisions made or struggled over… I just had the couch, the snow and the citrus.  Frank was in his little studio working away on something, but I think he was just watching british sitcoms on netflix and intermittently throwing some ink on paper.  I guess he’s entitled to a day of inertness too… he takes them SO frequently.

The man is a machine in the body of a aging geek waiting impatiently for that moment where and when the masses see the body of work he’s created and wonder, “Why the hell haven’t we seen this guy before… he;s been around FOREVER!” If that never happens, it’s unfortunate… but that doesn’t mean Frank will stop being that machine. Years from this day,  if the only thing left on the machine are two bolts, a rusty nut and a squeaky conveyor belt, Frank will still be making something with it.  Empty or not, he’ll still be there.

I smell like fruit salad.  I find that comforting.

one button…

atari video games joystick

I’ve done research on one button.  There was a time when one button was all you ever needed to do anything.  As we advanced, we added buttons… I’m not just talking about video games, but in everything.  Can you find a piece of technology now that just does ONE THING?  If you need a new printer, the only affordable one you can find faxes, scans, makes coffee and prints stuff.  PHONES!  Phones used to do one thing… be phones!  Now, you can do your taxes, turn your lights on and pet your dog while ordering a pizza from your car.  What is going on?  Why does everything need to do everything? Save time?  Seriously?

positivity and the apocalypse…

positivity and the apocalypse

Positivity is not the first character trait one thinks of when one thinks of me.  I know it, I know it… and believe me, I’m totally cool with that.  I tend to give off the sarcastic “I’m Bob” vibe… except when it comes to the dogs… they really don’t care how I act just so long as I don’t taunt them.  Good thing the fur grows over all the scars.

So, if tomorrow doesn’t happen, today will be the best day of your life.  It’s sunny where I am right now… I want to leave with a good impression… even if that impression only lasts a few seconds.

If tomorrow DOES happen, I’ll be back to normal.  Promise.

Enjoy the day.  Because you can.