i’m just a funny bob…funny ha ha…

humor funny

Most say I’m pretty funny… as opposed to ugly funny.

I’m never going to be in the Superbowl… unless it’s a big bowl in the kitchen.  My mind may be small, but that just means I have less to think with and therefore I can get an answer out much faster than say a human.  Even though that answer may not be the most intelligently inspired, it gets out there fast.  Cash in hand is better than a check in the mail.

If you think I’m funny, let the world know.  Tell all your friends.  On the other hand, if you don;t think I’m funny, tell all the people you dislike…strengthen that tie you want to break with an unfunny squirrel.

My name is Bob the Squirrel and I approved this message.

rules and whatever…

rules and cartoons

Rules are in place because people have a tendency to be morons.  Yes, I used the “m” word… deal with it.  The problem is, rules are made by people.  You see the issue?

I’m not saying that I always am by the book, to the letter.  But, I like to think that I’m 98% there.  I know rules are rules for good reasons.  Mainly to keep everyone from eating each other alive, safety, comfort and one less thing to think about every single day.

So why does it seem as though the notion of following a rule lately seems like a burden to some?  I don’t like that, so I’ll ignore it or I am the exception… Do you know how cracked walnut on a hot summer afternoon screaming until my tail falls of crazy that makes me?  It’s not hard to follow a guide.  It’s actually quite respectful.  And, if you do follow a rule, why should you be rewarded for doing so?  You’re doing what you’re supposed to do.  You don;t get medals for breathing do you?  Why?  BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO!

I have another headache.  I need to stop thinking about this stuff…but I can’t help it when it starts cutting in on my action and infringing on my chosen path.  BACK OFF!

And follow the rules… Please?

alien from another alien…

alien

I always felt as though there was something… alien…different about me.   I mean, aside from the fact that I’m a talking squirrel.  Something… out there, but relatively close by.  Something on the tip of my tail, yet, not.

I really need a catchphrase.

catchphrases, zingers and gimmicks…

catchphrases, zingers and gimmicks

Navigation never was one of my strong points.  Then again, I don’t really have any strong points… not any that aren’t already duct taped beyond recognition.  I need a gimmick.  I need a catchphrase… I need something that will bust me out of this mediocrity and into a better class of nuts.  I realize that you can’t catch lightning in a bottle.  Even if you have a great big gigantic  bottle… there’s no way you’re fitting it all in.

Maybe a gimmick isn’t what I need… after all a gimmick can become dated if it’s not malleable and fluid.  It will burn brightly for a moment then poof.  Or, it will continue to burn, but the light it gives off won’t be enough to read the fine print by.  Hey, maybe the fine print won’t be as important by the time the light dims.  Nah, the fine print is always going to be important…without that, there’s be no place to hide all the catches.

Anybody out there have any ideas?  If you do and there a secret, let me know anyway, you don’t have to tell me, but it’s be nice if you let me know.  I’m just saying.

the hypocrite’s hypocritical oath…

hypocrite hypocritical

I don’t have a problem with being such a hypocrite.  It’s good to know what you are when you need to know who you are.  You never know when you’re going to need to know who you are.  It comes in really handy when planning parties or deciding on which movie to go see.  I could be wrong, but because I’m a hypocrite, I won’t readily admit it…at least not in public.

Hypocrites definitely have more fun.  Conventional wisdom suggests that in fact blondes have more fun.  I’ll have to get back to you on that… once I bleach my tail.

KISS me whenever possible…

Kiss me

Henry Rollins once remarked in his concert recording Talk is Cheap, Volume 2, about the rock band KISS… either you love them, or you don’t.  Rollins, a punk rocker from way back was not a big fan of KISS.  Begrudgingly, he accompanied the rest of the members of his band Rollins Band  to a 2000 KISS concert.  It was the reunion tour…and Gene, Paul, Ace and Peter won over Rollins like he had never been won over before.

I was the same way.

As a squirrel out in the street, I obviously never got a chance to listen to much music.  Most of the time what I did hear came from open car windows as they sped past me.  When I adopted Frank, I started listening to entire songs for the first time in my life.  I found KISS.

The songs were good.  But they weren’t great.  Then, Frank showed me why they were so great…a video of one of their live shows.

Boom. I was converted.  The lights, the explosions, the spitting of red syrup, the flying…wow.  The music was just one part of the overall show.  These guys aren’t the best musicians in the world, they don’t write songs that will change the world.  They do something better… they make you forget the world for a while.  That’s not something you can just learn how to do.

I also wish I had 1/1,000,000th of the confidence these guys exude.  If you only know four chords, but play them like you know 400 you are something that many wish to be.  Confidence isn’t learned either. It is either there or not there.

I’m gonna go listen to Love Gun now.  You should too.

too subtle?

too sublte

Being subtle was never one of my strong points.  I never practiced it at all.. so there’s no way i can be “too” of something that never was.

the last cartoon…

last cartoon

When Frank taught drawing, the first assignment he gave his students was called “the last drawing”.  If you only had time to do one drawing before you passed away, what would it be? What would the subject matter be?  How would you approach even thinking of something to draw?  What would be your final message to the world?

A bit morbid for a cartoon drawing dude… but there was a reason.

He wanted to see what level of student he had technique wise and he wanted to see how they thought.  As one can imagine, many students didn’t really know how to approach it.  Most, if not all of them came from a “there’s only one right answer to anything” education.  And, this was an introductory course for first year students.Giving them a broken leash with which to go nuts was overwhelming to them.  Many illustrated a scene of what they’d do with their last moments, portraits of who they’d visit, places they’d like to go to.  No one really illustrated their feelings.  What they wanted to leave behind…the concept of a legacy is pretty distant for someone just approaching the beginning of adulthood

The funny thing is, Frank never did the assignment himself.  Must be the broken leash would be too much for him too.

When given the ability and opportunity to say whatever you want, most will never truly say what they want.

squirrelosophy bookWant to see where SQUIRRELOSOPHY all began? Then grab yourself a copy of GUESS YOU HAD TO BE THERE from lulu!

when did the volume go up?

when did the volume go up?

Getting your point across these days is all about volume.  Volume is everything.  If you can out-decible the other person longer, then your point is going to inevitably be the point.  It doesn’t matter if you are so far out in left field you might as well be playing basketball… if you cot the sound, you got the argument locked.

It was never like this.

Bull.

It’s always been like this.  Two differences, rather… two changes.  Technology and perspective.  If you can amplify, you can prophesize … if you can change perspective, you can create a point of view.  The bait and switch of public speaking has been since neanderthals first picked a leader.  Don’t long for the days that never existed.  Deal with it… and get some ear plugs.

squirrelosophy bookWant to see where SQUIRRELOSOPHY all began? Then grab yourself a copy of GUESS YOU HAD TO BE THERE from lulu!